Confessions of an English Teacher

We're BACK!

2006-02-22T19:44:00.000-08:00

With Romeo and Juliet--for your viewing pleasure. Anyone want to hazard a guess at what on earth this means?

Romeo is a deep, scared; a one way person, because he can only think stright. When the love of his life was going to become a nun, he just had an brakedown,w hich he lock him self in his room. "But he [his] own affections' counselor" Romeo is a deep person he can't face defeat and, if he does, he'll act as the end fo the world. "This is not Remeo. (REMEO?) He's some other where."

Romeo is kind the person that will give up after the first try. He will only feel sorry, and feel sorry for him self. "What, shall I groan and tell thee?" He is a little kid that won't grow up to the cold hard truth! Romeo is scared of rejection, but yet he can't face truth.

The future of our nation

2005-11-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

Seniors..writing their college application essays. You'd think they'd be lovely, heartfelt, moving. Not always. Thanks Claudia!

This is the beginning of an actual college application response:

"What can I offer the UC's? NO, What can I offer the UC's with my stumpy academic scores? Why does the UC's need my thumbsucking personality? Why are my fingernails so long?" Pointless to say, I have spent many hours thinking about why I should even consider applying to the UC community.

Hmmm. . . he might be on to something!

Also:
One girl wrote about a job she had and the characteristics she developed because of it. This is salacious!

I would still organize neatly and do whatever I can to satisfy the customers. Same aspect with UC, as long as they give me an opportunity to go to their college, I would show them how I was made. I would contribute every part of my body to them.

Wow, this is starting to get R-rated. :)

WHAT??

2005-11-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

Two in one class, today.

#1: When discussing the dates of winter break this year, one girl in the front looked at me, puzzled, and said, "Christmas is on the 27th, right?"

#2: When reading a memoir by Jay Leno about his childhood. Boy in front whispers to his friend, "This guy should be a talk show host!"

My sister--the endless source of entertainment

2005-10-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

an actual email:

Yeah I can make the dinner but have to unfortunately studu after as I have a tet next thurs and cannot not use any precikous time. OOh I love o study on friday nights!!!

Ah. Idioms

2005-10-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

My favorite line today:

And then Hitler washed their brains.

I'm sorry--do you mean he brainwashed them??

Vocabulary is back!

2005-10-20T06:39:00.000-07:00

I know you all missed the genius of these kiddos.

Her grow up form a child to a young lady in such rank.

I feel like I will evanesce. (maybe you should see a doctor?)

Her dress was vermillion, with gold laces. (is she JLO?)

People heresy many things.

The conoe sullenly. (yes, that's it)

The last scene of the film had evanesce out of the picture.

Evanescently, the shadow people moved out of view. (ooookay?)

Bob like Rank cigars. (don't we all?)

An imminent danger is on your head!

Midgets are blighted since birth.

There was a rank pig that lives next door in the yard.

The vermillion from the cow became unbearable.

The haitus is over..

2005-09-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

For you 4 loyal readers..
I am hoping this year's kiddos will provide just as much entertainment.

First day of school-- do you think this is indicative of how the year will go?

2 Truths and a Lie:

Each student needed to write down two things that were true about themselves and one that was a lie. Then we'd read them out loud and try to guess the lie. Easy, right?

I kid you not.

Girl X:

1. I once ate dog.
2. I burned my house down when I was a child.
3. I have 10 bicycles.

Where do I even start with this?

The lie? I have 10 bicycles. I'll let you ponder that one.

final words of wisdom..

2005-08-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

from our favorite philosopher:

If you put your cell phone on your head, you will not feel any vibration.

Banana milk--why is it colored yellow? The outside of a banana is yellow but the inside is white. So puzzling!

If you put red dye in a sheep's eye it cannot recognize anything.

truth is stranger than fiction

2005-08-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

as I've learned every day this summer.

when you ask kids to tell you about an experience that's changed them, shaped them in some way, you expect some of them to bear their souls, it's true. but i don't think anyone expects this:

example #1: (about a dog. I think.)

The first few days after I bought it, I spent a lot of time with it. i helped it to pick a name, which was call "Kel-chi". Beside that, I bought clothing for her and decorated her as pretty as a Barbie. But after that, I started tired of it. I stop doing things like that to benefit her. The only thing I did was to share my unfortunate ness with her, but in an unfavorable way. I shouted aloud at her when I received my report card withi C's and D's. I would even hit her whenever she touched any of my furniture. I was not willing to hand her food to eat when I was getting infurate that day. I asked my sister to imprison her in the gate.

example #2: Max's near drowning experience.

After I swam three feet to beach, but wave make me be washed out to sea about seven feet. After about two minutes later, I almost gave up to survive. At this time, I saw a breakwater at another side of the beach. It was high, but in order to survive I had to go, and climb that up. I swam to there as I could as possible. After I drank about a couple of gallon salt water, I could reach the breakwater barely. I clung that breakwater with feeling at ease. Unfortunately, I did not know every breakwater has the bunch of sharp oyster and shellfish. When the wave hit me, the bunch of oyster and shellfish became the bunch of knife and spear. They tore my flesh and blood into threads. Slowly, the water's color became read. When my inside flesh appeared to the air, the saltwater and raining irritated me. I was screaming and crying. However, I climb the breakwater by instinct of life. I already got a lot of scar and was bleeding, at the top of the breakwater. I saw my white colored bone. I think my right leg was almost cutting out.

Romeo and Juliet: the secret side

2005-08-03T23:11:00.000-07:00

From an essay on figurative language: (can't you tell?)

"Love can be express in so many different ways, but the most common ways are through action and oral."

umm.... well.. yeah.

I can't wait for the movie..

2005-08-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

creative writing, at its best. (thanks phil!)

"Jennifer!" yelled Brian. "I am so sorry about what happened last night," said Brian. "You shouldn't have done that," said Jennifer. "I love you," said Brian. "I love you too," said Jennifer. "Jennifer, the girl I broke up with, have absolutely no butt," said Brian while laughing. "Shut up," said Jennifer. "Man, you only care about butt that makes me angry," said Jennifer. Brian and Jennifer traveled many countries and finally they got married. Then they lived happily ever after.

Pearls of wisdom

2005-07-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

So, Max of the feminine-shirt-wearing type leaves us some genuinely puzzling messages on his vocabulary tests each week. Today's highlights:

Knowledge: in order to make tough bread to be a soft bread, put the tough one between two soft breads, and wait about three minutes.

Knowledge: in order to make cool inside of a car in summer, open and shut only one dor of your car about 5 times.

Pigs are never able to see the sky forever, because of their neck.

Hill, where you can conquer both earth and sky.

thank you Phil..

2005-07-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

this may be the winner of the summer:

We watched The Goonies in class and I had them map plot development throughout the movie. Here is one student's explanation of the resolution:

"They all got out and thought their problems are over but comes the two retards. They asked for their signature, but later the spanish lady found rubies. In your face retards. Houses are save."

the last week of vocabulary..

2005-07-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

and we've got some doozies.

He found a corpse in his bedroom and he threw it away.

The town is notorious for its sexual bargain.

My arm was amputated during a car accident but it was only temporary.

The guy got some loose dysentary.

My dysentary made me crazy go to bathroom.

I won't care whether I will be fired from this monotonous or not.

The surgeon amputates the patients lives.

The doctors are amputating the invalid's stomach.

We found a corpse was lying down the street.

Lucy discovers a corpse at the corner of the aisle.

His one eye has to be amputating, because otherwise his two eyes would blind.

He amputate the paper in class.

I amputated my right arm because I didn't like it.

I have never seen a doctor amputate a woman's tommy to give birth to a baby.

I love corpse because it cannot speak or move.

I am wary of the importance of my grade because I am poor.

A good lawyer would make good eloquence to make the judge believe him or her.

People who take drugs too much will usually become a fiend.

Some people still believed that there is angel in their mind; they abhor Mary but the real reason they abhored her is that they thought Mary is UGLY!

The woman fickle for housework after pregnant.

Some children are wary for strangle.

It is the jocund that built inside you.

His jocund face made me remembered my ex girlfriend's ugly face.

there is always one vocab word..

2005-07-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

that somehow ends up being a complete nightmare. can you guess what it is?

jim has good chastity because he never lies to someone

lots of people wanted to scathe me with the knief

you'll never ever win when you are a mutiny

john is a chastity, he's done only good things in his whole life

i will named my posterity by sky number two (written by sky number one)

my chastity for cheating is several hours of detention

people think being at church will get the chastity defended

he received the chastity as a consequence of punching the girl

god is a chastity spirit that protects us

the water of this lake can be drinked because the chastity is marked on the sign

no thing is more portentous than other

and the most bizarro:

you are muting now, why don't you shut up 3 minutes ago?

did you got any scathe honey?

max and the spider (for claudia)

2005-07-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

so...we have some odd kids in our class (to say the least). there is a certain boy, who shall remain nameless. oh, let's call him maxine. yes. i said boy.

maxine showed up to school yesterday, wincing a bit. we asked him what was wrong. he replied that he had a headache, an eyeache, something. later in the period, as he walked toward our desk, clutching his eye and wincing in pain, claudia kindly suggested he visit the nurse. i can't begin to describe the spasms that were going on on his face.

he returns today. claudia asks him, "oh, what was wrong?"

maxine: the doctor said he removed a piece of glass from the dark part of my eye.
claudia: oh, the pupil?
maxine: yes.
claudia: oh, how strange, how did you get glass in your eye?
maxine: oh, i don't think it was glass. I think it was a spider's tooth.

need I say more?

week 4.. and vocabulary remains a puzzle..

2005-07-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

sentences of the week:

He is a fake humane man.

Hitler is known as brutality.

The ganster is dog the brutality of violence.

When he got out from the Lemo, he was timidity.

The hardest thing to do is to unsentimental and the truth.

Don't give me your humane side to me, you are a truth evil.

The edict on the wall which notices people that they cannot go out.

WHen I got hit with a stick, I felt colic.

The colic on that kid's back shows he ahd been torchered by someone.

When he got accident, his mother also premonition something happen on him.

He ate something dirty and got the colic.

A girl hide behind me timidity as a cat.

His timidity behavior was very lovely.

The oppressive gangster was frightening a new immigrant to do what he asked, but he refused, so he punched him on his face.

Shakespeare..as you've never seen him before!

2005-07-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

As we were giving this quiz today, I knew we'd have some gems. I wasn't disappointed.

The ruler of England during Shakespeare's time: Queen Elizabear. How snuggly!

People who have played the part of Romeo: Macro Jackson (who?), Mavheivekayaiy (uh, yeah) and, most importantly, HITLER.

A list of Shakespeare's plays you've probably never read. Because they don't EXIST:

The Dream of the Midnight Summer
Helmet
Juliet and Lomio
Aladin
Twelth Night Lights
Julia Caesar
Binnesman of Vanice
Halmet
Count of Montecristo
Tamed Shrews
Titanic
The Knight
Sugland

if this doesn't scare you..

2005-07-18T06:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know what will. This is an actual paragraph submitted on Dahl's "Lamb to the Slaughter." I've selected the best for you.

A Crazy Lamb (actual title)

Is hide evidence innocent? A lamb like Mary Maloney is really poor, but her poor experience is not the excuse for her crime. She might lose her mind when she killed her husband, but does a mental patient know how to cheat on evidence? Does a person who loese her mind know how to destroy unfavorable evidence?

... She not just cheats on evidence, and she destroys the weapon she used to kill her husband which is frozen meat. She cooks the meat to be the supper of policeman. How perfect the idea is! Let the people who search for evidence eats the evidence. How smart she is! Who is going to believe she is mental patient?

Base on them, Mary should be hold responsible for her crime.

psycho..

2005-07-14T14:37:00.000-07:00

so we've been focusing on suspense and setting and every year we show Hitchcock's Psycho as an example of these things. this year, the lazy bums weren't paying attention, so we gave them a quiz.

psycho quiz it was.

question: what did marion's boss ask her to do at the beginning of the movie?
answer: deposit $40,000 in the bank.

to marry with himself

to keep the money, to do bad thing for money

ask her to love him

to kill someone

to go to somewhere to talk to someone and get something

question: who does the hotel owner live with
answer: (as far as they know) his mother

some stuffed animal

a polite man that she knows

murder (yes, this was an actual answer)

and the best: an old dog named Meatball

question: describe what happens in the last scene we watched
answer: this should have been obvious--the shower scene, stabbing--you know how it goes.

marie lay on the bathroom, the drap cover her body, and the blood with shower water splash in to the drill and the money in the newspaper didn't move.

the woman is taking a shower, then a killer come out from the curtain and kill her.

the murderer was her jon and her boyfriend.

she died in the shower, open her eyes, lied in the bathtub naked water kept flushing.

when the main character was taking a shower, a man kill her with a knife. she died in the bathing tube without closing her eyes.

an identify man kill her by knife.

and, the proclaimed winner:

the lady took off her robe and went to the shower. she gently move her hands and feel her body to let the water run. and suddenly, a person with a mask just comes in and stabs her like crazy. and she died with her eyes open.

Vocabulary--who knew it was so difficult?

2005-07-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

a cosmopolite animals are not as valuable as other animals that are not been easy to see around

the weird camper shinny the mountain slowly

my dog is such a droll

i am very palatial about tom's action.

whenever he swims he looks like a drool (droll)

i wasn't palpable to carry the stairs by myself

in the darkness something beat her without tangible

my grandfather has a enormous cosmopolite because he has been living in this world for 97 years

she is as doggedly as a tree

the tangible evidence is eaten by the police

the fat lady standed up indolently but she lost her balance again.

i can't walk because my shinny is hurt

the cosmopolites on earth should be equal at all time

the palace is palatial, it just looked like a palace.

most of things are tangible and most people like tangible stuff more than intangible stuff

the drunker acrimonious the waitress in the bar

Relocation

2005-07-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

Someone made me paranoid.

A review of past entries:

Courtesy of Charmaine..

A section from a compare/contrast essay. The last line is particularly brilliant.

Boys or males are usually on top of society. We wear bigger clothes so it looks "baggy" and "cool". Also we don't wear high heels, but wear big nice looking Rolex watches. In the future we get higher pay on average. Personality wise when we are in public, we try to act "manly". That means in public we don't cry or show any emotions beside tough. We also have higher chances of getting juvenile diabetes unlike the girls.Girls wear tight, short, and colorful clothes and sometimes they wear baggy clothes. Girls must always look good so they put on makeup and they wear high heels. It is okay for girls to cry in public and they are expected to be good at the arts. Most of them are obsessed with 40 yr old men.

The Most Dangerous Game

I think the quiz is more dangerous than the most dangerous game.

Actual answers. Scary.

Question: What is the name of General Zaroff's island?
Answer: Ship-Trap Island

Answers we received:

the most dangerous island
island of death
ship-z
drop-ship island
land of death
dread island
island of evil
dead island
zaroff. hunting.
zarzar sea

Question: the game that General Zaroff hunts is ______
Answer: humans

Answers we received:

the most dangerous
hide and seek
murder

Remember this..
You know the scene--Atticus is in court, Tom Robinson is on the stand. It's a moment of tension, of suspense. Will Atticus find a way to save him?

Remember this compelling dialogue??

Judge Taylor: You're left handed, Mr. Ewell
Jem: Oh yeah, left hand beats right eye, perfect.
Scout: What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah. ME NEITHER!

Monday, July 11, 2005

Stereotypes..

You ask kids to watch television for homework..you'd think they'd be happy, right?

The assignment: watch a couple of tv shows. Identify stereotypes within those shows. Fill out a chart indicating the group stereotyped, how they are stereotyped and the student's thoughts on these stereotypes.

The answers:

Show: Bewitched
Group stereotyped: Jack Wires (what does this MEAN?)
Stereotype portrayed: attitude dumb and uses people
Thoughts: i just think bcuz jack wants to be rich and famous

Uh, yeah.

Another.

Show: everybody loves raymond
Group stereotyped: Italian
Stereotype portrayed: family, loves cooking
Thoughts: Marie

I know those Marie thoughts plague me all the time.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

To Kill a Mockingbird. Or my brain.

Paragraphs on theme? Doesn't sound so hard does it?

"In this novel, Harper Lee, the author showed what the real courage is. In the little kid's vision it's definetly not easy to touch someone's house who is undefined as a man."

Friday, July 8, 2005

Lamb to the slaughter..

otherwise known as, English to the Slaughter. Responses to discussion questions on Dahl's story.

"The setting of the story is six month with child in her belly."

"The twist and surprise ending is the policeman had ate the lame. I don't expect it."

Thursday, July 7, 2005

summer school blues..

one has to wonder, after a while, how much you can really teach a student. especially when it comes to vocabulary. today's best:

Doing the futility is wasting time.

No one in this world is futility, because God gives us all the special ability to do many things.

There is one infallible.

The futility of war makes everyone went homeless.

Home of us is infallible.

Futility: something without boon on it.

It is a futility if you want to brake a rock using a scissor.

I had an undulate dream about rain wearing ur dress walking towards me.

We reconnaissance people try to do it for 9 months.

The skirt got undulate, which never be gone.

He died, because he againsted prerogative.